“No one understands!”
“ I can’t stand this pain!”
“I am afraid I am all alone”
We’ve been talking about the need to be seen, to be heard, to be believed in.
But what about those days when it really does seem like no one understands us? Our hearts can feel so lonely, gloomy, and disheartened on those days. Sometimes we have seasons of being misunderstood and wrongly judged, and the pain feels like a tender bruise that keeps being jarringly bumped, only to ache all the more.
Even more heart-wrenchingly arduous are the seasons when it really does seem like we are unraveling, coming to the very end of ourselves. Some call this “the dark night of the soul.” And it does feel dark, my friend, TERRIFYINGLY DARK. God is there, but it sure does not feel like it
Meredith remembers it well, the season when everything in her life, other than her health, was deconstructed and had to be rebuilt. It started with the stark smack of a major rejection when her husband left her, without support, alone with two young children. He was leaving her and could not get away fast enough. He was enraptured with another relationship at work. His leaving was followed by many other rejections, losses, and changes that Meredith had not asked for. Most of her friends did not understand her plight. They thought she was too needy; they did not understand that she did not have an earthly “mom” or “dad” to which to turn. Her church family was known for its marriage ministries and did not handle divorce well; even well meaning folks seemed as if they were backing away from her. She felt she had no control… over her fiances, over her friendships, over her family, over her social identify, over any place she thought she had belonged. A tornado of change and abandonment was everywhere. The sense of God’s presence was not. It was a full two years after her husband left her with those two young babies before she felt God’s presence again.
But HE was there. His faithfulness remained. Looking back, Meredith sees that He really did carry her through. And He was gracious and faithful when others weren’t….when Meredith started to lose her bearings, feeling like her whole life was crumbling with no hope for a future, He regrounded her. She wasn’t perfect. She was at the end of herself and was, at times, very weak. Her choices were not always best. But she did not run from Him and He was faithful. He brought her new friends, and provided, through a new friend group, the support she needed as she sold the house, fought for child support, went back to work, and relocated to affordable housing for a single mom. Before that dark night of the soul, that dark, dark season of the soul, Meredith had thought she was holding onto the Lord, making sure that she followed Him, served Him. But now, she began to see that HE WAS ACTUALLY HOLDING ONTO HER….IN A WAY THAT NO PERSON EVER HAD. Now, she was changed, transformed by grace. Through her dark night of the soul, she had learned, deep within, THERE IS NO WHERE I CAN GO WHERE GOD WILL NOT BE THERE, HOLDING ONTO ME.
Beloved, when you face the dark night of the soul, HE IS THERE, holding onto you! He really does see, he really does hear. And you will come the night if you just LET HIM HOLD YOU. You will come through CHANGED, BETTER, MORE WHOLE, if you do not run away, but let Him hold you through the dark night. The light will come beloved!
I BELIEVE IN YOU! Now it is TIME FOR YOU TO BELIEVE IN YOU!